Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
