Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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