This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
