I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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