Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
