walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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