They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
