I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so much tequila, so little girl.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
