i think i have two assholes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
