Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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