his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need water and some morals
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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