The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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