I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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