you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
