how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
