3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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