Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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