Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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