If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
