Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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