She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
