Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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