She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
