how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
