Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
