I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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