Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
