What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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