I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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