Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
