I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
