Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
