hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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