I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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