we're blogging at a bar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My vagina is very pro this idea
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
