I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
