are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
