There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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