Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
