you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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