How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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