This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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