people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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