i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
