i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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