Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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