What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
