I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
