we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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