girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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