She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
