the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
