She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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