I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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