You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
