I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are we still banned from the library?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize