Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
